


There's a Noodle on the Highway

by Marsh_Daisy



Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [9]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: F/F, F/M, Humor, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsh_Daisy/pseuds/Marsh_Daisy
Summary: Noodle talked Russ, Murdoc, and 2D into a whirlwind tour of the Great Lakes region of the U.S. Great cause, great publicity.Of course, it also means sharing a bus for a month.Join us for a thrilling tale of lost band members, odd museums, risky poker games, and an epic battle over a white couch.
Relationships: Maris Wilson (OFC)/Dana Quinn (OFC), Murdoc Niccals/Original Female Character(s)
Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069307
Kudos: 2





	There's a Noodle on the Highway

Murdoc thinks he’s a clever boy. He called to invite me to a picnic. In England, at 2D's little daycare. If he wanted us together, he needed something.

And he got it, but not the way he thought he would. Didn't matter.

I had something I needed too: Them. I offered the chance to roll out on a quick tour - good cause, minimal effort on our part, fabulous publicity.

And I got what I needed.

It was easy. I’ve known them a very long time.

Present the idea logically to Russ, appeal to Murdoc’s vanity - and wait for 2D to remember he’s our frontman.

******************

It was frustrating to have to leave my apartment so soon after moving in.

After I left Kimberly and Murdoc’s house in August, I spent a week and a half touring Scandinavia. I attended a huge environmental conference in Copenhagen, and had a chance to spread myself around, make a few presentations, cut a few ribbons. Posing for lots of photos - as my promoter and agent Deborah said, my “smarts for the speech making and face for the picture taking.” It was wonderful.

And I headed to Glasgow for a school opening, at the express invitation of the Duchess of Cornwall. She and I had really hit it off at an event earlier in the year. While I was in Glasgow, I researched flats to let in Edinburgh. 

I took one at Douglass-Young, a new development. I discovered another benefit to living in Scotland: no lease. I could stay as long as I liked and leave whenever I pleased. It was near the Firth of Forth, which never fails to make me think of the old Genesis album. The flats were wide open design, fully furnished, floor to ceiling windows. It was perfect, it was mine, and it would be wonderful to have a place to come home to.

I returned from England to pack another bag and arrange another flight. I called Deborah to let her know I was taking the touring gig, and she cleared everything else off my schedule. I contacted management to let them know I would be gone for five weeks. I emptied the refrigerator and unplugged it. I like to leave everything in perfect order. Having arranged things as well as I could, I grabbed my bags and left for the airport.

**September 28**

I started to get a bit worried about 2D showing up in time. Technically, I suppose, he had until the end of the day. We had rooms at the Radisson. Murdoc and I had been there since Wednesday, and Russ got in Thursday. I called a few times, but 2D wasn’t answering his phone, so we assumed he was on his way but with 2D it’s usually best not to make assumptions.

He arrived mid-morning. He called me on his way from the airport, so I went down and waited for him in the lobby. He was sharing a room with Russ, of course, because any other combination was unthinkable. We walked up to our rooms together.

“How were your flights? It’s a ridiculous trip, isn’t it?”

“I managed to sleep through most of it. Sorry I waited til the last minute - I wanted to spend as much time with the implings as I could before I left.” He tossed his bag on the bed not occupied by Russ’s magenta dressing gown. "I need a shower.”

“Take your shower and then I’ll take you out for coffee.”

In spite of claiming he had slept, he looked weary to the bone.

He knocked on my door about half an hour later, looking reasonably refreshed. There was a locally owned bakery down the street a bit, so we enjoyed a walk. We treated ourselves to blueberry scones with our coffee. We settled into a cushioned sofa to enjoy our sweets.

“Noodle, there’s something I need to tell you.” He stared into his coffee cup. “Lily and I split up. Right after the picnic.”

“Oh no! 2D, I’m so sorry. Is- This is my fault. She didn’t want you to come.”

“Not your fault. Everyone agreed to come. Just- She didn’t really understand all this." He sighed. “She thought she did. She tried.”

“How are you feeling?” Stupid question.

He set his coffee down on the table and put his hands over his face. “Not good. She’ll be right there when I go home. And I dunno what I'm gonna do.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said again, rubbing his back. “Maybe- maybe this will be a good distraction. And give you time to process it before you go back?”

“Maybe.” He sniffled. “S’familiar, you know? New places but like old times.”

“Exactly.” I finished my scone. “I’ve got a little surprise I think you’ll like.”

**September 29**

_ Duluth, Minnesota _

After the first concert in Duluth we headed out to the lot where the tour buses were parked.

“Do we have seating assignments?” asked Murdoc suspiciously. “I’ll trade whoever’s seated farthest away from 2Dimwit.”

“Nope. Ours seats only four.” I led them to the bus I rented.

“I thought this was a group thing?” 2D said. “We got a whole bus to ourselves? Just for this?”

“There was no way I was traveling with anyone else. This way we don’t have to stay at the same hotels, either. If we decide to wander around a bit, we can sleep wherever we choose.”

They were pretty pleased. The rental place in Minneapolis didn’t have a lot of fancy ones to pick from, but this one had the basics and was pretty cozy.

We wandered through and claimed beds first off. 

2D chose a bottom bunk, since he sometimes falls out.

“You see, Russ and I were talking about how little we get to see when we’re touring. And 2D, you went on that nice vacation in New York - I just thought we could take some detours here and there. There’s a little time between the shows."

Murdoc threw his bag in the storage next to his bed. “So just where are we going, Madam Cruise Director? Going to see the world’s largest wad of chewing gum? Biggest bucket of ketchup? A museum of footwear? Antique ashtrays? Toys? Luncheon napkins, maybe?”

“We can look up some stuff and see what’s close by. Why not?”

“That wad of chewing gum is too far out of the way,” Russ said.

“Where are we playing anyway?” Murdoc asked as he rummaged through the fridge.

“You didn’t look at the itinerary?”

“There was an itinerary?”

“I asked Urdek to print- never mind.” I pulled mine up on my phone. He gazed at it suspiciously.

“I’ve never been to half of these places.”

2D peered over his shoulder. “Well, there’s New York, Murdoc. You’ve been there. S’where your girlfriend lives,” he said helpfully.

“The other ones, half-wit.”

“The idea was to make sure they had at least one venue in each state on each of the Great Lakes.” I sank into the big white sofa. “This is mine for the rest of the trip.” I put my feet up on the table. “They’ll have movies about the harm caused by pollution on the lakes and what can be done.”

“Educational,” Russ said. “We’ll all learn something here.”

Murdoc sniffed. “I won’t.”

“Me neither, probably, but I’m still excited about it,” said 2D.

Murdoc strode to the front of the bus and sat down in the driver’s seat. “Y-y-yes- I do believe this will do. Noodle, be a good girl and-” He broke off at the look on my face and hastily amended, “Noodle, if you would be so kind as to bring me my hat.”

“Your what?”

“Just inside my bag.”

I cautiously opened the little cupboard next to his bunk and unzipped his bag. Sitting on top of the rest of his belongings was his Captain’s hat.

“Perfect,” he said, settling it on his head. “I neglected to bring my pipe. But from here on out- you address me as-”

“You should stop speaking now,” I advised, as 2D saluted smartly.

**September 30**

The joys of being in a band:

The opportunities for creativity.

The adulation of fans.

The high of performing.

The chance to meet incredible people.

The satisfaction when the moment and the music and the magic all come together, creating a palpable energy that pulses through my veins.

The downside:

Traveling with my bandmates. I’d forgotten what it was like. It took one day to bring it all back.

Russ - doesn’t say much but when he speaks it’s sure to be deep and thought provoking.

Murdoc - says a bit more but it’s sarcastic, insulting, or filthy - and sometimes all three at once.

2D - Just. Never. Stops. Talking.

**October 3**

_ Green Bay, Wisconsin _

These things begin small.

I claimed that white sofa.

“Murdoc. I claimed that white sofa.”

He flipped through his magazine and ignored me.

“I made that clear. My exact words were ‘This is mine for the rest of the trip.’ That’s actually what I said.”

“You can’t just claim a sofa.”

“I can and I did. I got us this bus. That sofa is mine.”

“And yet here I sit.”

Why does he have such a short memory? I grabbed his wrist and turned it until he was forced to stand.

“Ow ow ow ow ow-”

I plopped down on the sofa and stretched out.

Adventure awaited.

The World’s Largest Hex Nut. Don Debaker’s Dinosaurs. The Tunnel of Automatic Fish.

Murdoc chose the first, 2D demanded the second, and Russ was intrigued by the third.

I think Murdoc just liked the tagline: “We’ve Got the Biggest Nuts in Town!” It’s 10 feet tall and contains 3.5 tons of steel. You can even stand inside to have your picture taken, though 2D had to kneel. Russ wasn’t much interested. There was no snack bar or ice cream stand, so we didn’t stay long.

Next we saw some dinosaur skeletons. Two big metal ones called “Big Mama” and “Baby Bones.” 2D’s face lit up when he saw them and he made me take a dozen pictures of him with them. Inside the museum we saw displays about the Ice Age - the big mastodon blew 2D’s mind, too - the indigenous people of Wisconsin, and the history of both fashion and firearms through the years. It was several hours well-spent.

Murdoc left with a brown paper bag clutched tightly in his hand. He immediately hid it in his little cupboard. What the hell had he found at a museum gift shop?

The Tunnel of Automatic fish was - a tunnel of automatic fish. They light up as you pass by. Russ seemed quite satisfied with his pick.

Oh, we performed our songs, too. But that really couldn’t compete with a Tunnel of Automatic Fish.

**October 7**

_ Milwaukee, Wisconsin _

Milwaukee offered a bewildering array of choices. Obviously brewery tours topped the list. We went to the Mitchell airport to see a Zeppelin, and conveniently located across the street was a restaurant with a big cow on the top of it. That’s “giant steer wearing a chef’s hat and bib” checked off my bucket list. Seemed foolish not to go view the giant coffee cup after that. I liked the giant ducks the best, though. Gertie and her babies are a symbol of hope, dedicated to mothers. Ducks are cool. I was happy with my pick.

The next day we took it easy and 2D and I visited Lincoln Park. The Milwaukee River splits into different sections. The leaves showed off their brilliant fall colors. We wandered around for a few hours, just enjoying the scenery. 

He called the school later.

“Edmund? Yeah! Can you put me on speaker?” He put his on as well. "Hi, my implings! I miss you!"

"Mr 2D! Are you back home? Will you be here tomorrow?”

“No, I still have a couple more weeks. I’ll be back right after Halloween, so if you want to have a second party, we can do that. But don’t tell Mr Edmund!” I heard Edmund laugh.

“Did you get us any presents?” That was Argentia.

“Not yet, but I’m sure to see some fun things for you soon. All I’ve seen so far was a big cow, and a big coffee cup, and a big duck.”

“You could bring us the big duck,” said Archibald. “We could keep it outside. Maybe it could be friends with Penelope and Jeffrey and Rose and Oakley?”

“Only it wasn’t a real duck, though. It was a statue.”

“Why would anyone make a big statue of a duck when they could have real ones instead?”

“I dunno, Cecil. I thought it was kinda weird, too.”

“Mr 2D!” Basilia piped up, “I made a sword almost completely except for the handle and the making it sharp part!"

"That's wonderful, Basilia!"

"Argentia pushed us off the playset three times yesterday."

"I'm sorry about that, Ozias."

They started to speak over one another: "I drew a picture of you!" "I'm learning a new song!" "Mr Edmund showed us where you are on a map!" "Tell Miss Lily she has to stay all day." "Clemencia said I smelled funny." "I really miss you, Mr 2D. Please come home."

“I’ll be home soon. I will.”

2D went back out for a bit after his call to the daycare. Russ and Murdoc had gone on another brewery tour, so I took advantage of the peace and quiet to take a nap. I heard the door slam a bit later, and then the bed below me shake as 2D threw himself into it, as he does. I was about to say hello when I realized he was on the phone. I figured he was following up with Edmund. I laid back down and closed my eyes.

“Yeah. You’re going to have to split them up. Tell Edmund maybe do two recesses? He has to keep Argentia away from Marmaduke and Ozias.”

I froze, realizing if it wasn’t Edmund he was talking to about the implings, it must be-

“Right. She doesn’t seem to bug Montmorency as much. Yeah.”

I thought I should make some noise and get out of bed, but with his next words, I realized it was too late.

“I miss you so much, Lily. You do? I know I shouldn’t want to hear that. I know.” I heard him sniffle and realized he was crying. “I know we did. It’s- I wanna tell you all these things. I saw a mastodon. Not a real one. I mean it was real but it wasn’t alive. I don’t know how to tell ‘em from a mammoth. I knew you’d know. Only this one had a label on it. Yeah.” He was silent for a moment, and his voice shook as he said, “I know. You’re right, it doesn’t. I just- I really just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry, Lil. I won’t. Bye.”

I could picture him down there on his bunk: he would have his knees drawn up with his arms wrapped around them. I could hear him crying and I started to cry too, my hand over my mouth. It had only been two weeks since they split up. Of course he was hurting. Of course he was missing her, even if he never let it show.

I heard him get up, and to my relief he went outside. I rose quietly and washed my face in the teeny bathroom, then made a show of stretching as I walked outside. “Oh, you’re back!” I said to him brightly. “I took a nice long nap. Should we go get some dinner?”

He shook his head. “I’m not feeling so good, Noodle. I’m gonna go lay down, I think.” He walked back onto the bus without looking at me.

**October 10**

_ Chicago, Illinois _

It’s inevitable that we end up doing a con somewhere along the way. Three other acts were also attending; they’re as eclectic as we are and could fit under many different categories, which made them ideal.

We had a Q&A panel at one, then were set to do autographs from 2:30 to 3:30. Photos with fans after that, and then we could wander at will. This meant Murdoc and Russ would beat a hasty retreat, and 2D and I would get snacks and check out who else was there.

We waited for the end of the panel before us - cast members from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” They’ve been around as long as we have. The woman who played Willow does not age, I swear.

Most of the questions were about what’s happening for us musically. We played up the possible future release of the new currently rather incomplete album. Most of it had been laid down by Murdoc and me. 2D wasn’t feeling particularly musical just then. It was Murdoc’s idea to try an instrumental album for the first time. Though if it failed spectacularly, it would suddenly become all my idea, I’m sure.

Personal questions started slipping in:

Someone asked Russ about his Hobb’s Hot Sauce.

“You can order it by the case on my website.”

“Burns the nose hairs right off,” Murdoc added.

“I couldn’t taste nothing for three days,” said 2D. This was true. And it served him right - he should have known better.

They asked 2D about the petting zoo. “Only I felt that years of living with Murdoc made me an expert in taking care of animals. 'Cept I never pet Murdoc. That's not a mistake you make twice."

“Murdoc, you’ve been dating New York socialite and psychic Kimberly Wilson-”

"She does provide me with bail money from time to time, yes."

“Noodle and 2D, the two of you appeared to be in a romantic relationship this past year-”

I fielded that one. “He actually had a crush on Murdoc and slipped a note to the wrong one."

"It’s not the first time that’s happened," 2D added, “Last time I ended up dating Russ for three weeks before he realized it."

“I’ve done my best to suppress that memory,” Russ said.

A few more minutes and we were turned loose and I could go enjoy the tedium of signing my name until my hand ached. Murdoc had already given us the slip.

When I got back on the bus, his bass was on my couch. As soon as I reached for it, I heard his voice rumble ominously from his bunk. “You know very well what will happen to you if you touch that, right?”

“You can’t leave it there forever! You have to play the damned thing sooner or later!”

“Point of fact,” said Russel, “that’s not the damned one.”

**October 14**

_ Detroit, Michigan _

The concert that wasn’t.

I can’t really blame Captain Murdoc. His reasoning was sound.

“How in bloody fuck was I supposed to know I had to go across? I figured if I had a lake on my left I was all set, eh?”

And fair enough - from Green Bay to Milwaulkee to Chicago, Lake Michigan is hanging out there on the left. Sometimes you can see it, sometimes you can’t, but it’s there and it’s on the left. So after Chicago, he just kept going. Until the coastline got sort of raggedy looking, and he crossed a ridiculously large bridge, and the next thing we knew-

“Sign says last exit before bridge to Canada, Murdoc." 2D pointed out helpfully. "We’re not supposed to be going to Canada, are we? Only I didn’t see it on the itinerenery.”

“Best take that exit,” Russ said.

Murdoc swung onto the off-ramp for Easterday Avenue so tightly I thought we were going to tip over. He pulled into a grocery market car lot and killed the engine, then sat panting and trying to catch his breath.

Russ said, “I’ma go out on a limb and guess you don’t have a green card.”

“Like in football?” asked 2D.

“No,” I said. “You need it to stay in the US.”

Murdoc shook his head. “No, I do not have their special little card. I’m not taking up any space. Not causing any problems. No reason I should have to leave.”

“You could ask Kimberly to marry you,” I suggested, just to see what he would say.

“That,” he hissed, “is a conversation for another day. Not your conversation, as it happens, and not this day.”

“Well, where are we?” asked 2D, reasonably enough.

I pulled the map up, and pointed.

“We’re on the top of that mitten!” he said happily. “Can we go out on the thumb, too?”

“And we are supposed to be-?” asked Russ.

I pointed to Detroit.

“So. We drove eleven hours to get up here, what with lunch and dinner-”

“Mmmhm.”

“And how many hours to get back down?

“About seven. Maybe longer depending on traffic and we’ll probably want something to eat.”

“I could eat, yeah,” said Murdoc.

“Plus the thumb,” added 2D.

“And-” Russ closed his eyes. “How long should it have taken us?”

“A little over four hours.” I said quietly.

“Only if we’re that late already,” 2D said moodily, “I really don’t see why we can’t go out on the thumb.”

So we never made it to Detroit - or we did, but we arrived the day after the concert. Fortunately the next city was quite close by and we had no difficulty catching up. I had a bit of explaining to do - not the least of which was why I never answered my phone, which was in the pocket of my sweater, underneath my couch pillow. But we did get to go all the way up the mitten and out onto the thumb, and some of us were immensely pleased with that.

**October 17**

_ Toledo, Ohio _

Since we arrived in Toledo slightly ahead of time - having skipped Detroit thanks to our Captain relying on instinct rather than a map, we had plenty of time to wander about.

He doesn’t have as much respect for my guitar as I do for his bass. I tried leaving my electric on the sofa but when I came back in from a walk in Ottawa park, it was not there. Murdoc was. Watching something on his phone. Stretched out and looking entirely too comfortable.

“Murdoc - first of all, where is my guitar? And second of all get off my couch!”

He paused his show to lazily turn his head and gaze at me. “It’s somewhere safe. And no.”

He had hidden it in an overhead compartment in the very back that was concealed by a beige linen curtain. It took me an hour to find it, while he chortled and snorted.

Since we now had an extra day in Toledo, we split up and spent it as we chose. Russ went to the Art Tatum Jazz Society, which was holding a percussion workshop, as luck would have it. I took 2D to the zoo. Murdoc holed up in the casino - or so we thought.

When 2D and I got back to the bus we discovered that Murdoc had been asked politely to remove himself from the premises or be removed by whatever means necessary. He must have put up some resistance, but I’ve seen him with worse black eyes. He wasn’t quite done, though, and he invited some of the charming folks he met at the gaming tables to engage in more gambling - in MY bus.

2D and I stood staring at the group around the kitchenette table. To Murdeoc’s left was a bleached blond fellow with amazing cheekbones and big blue eyes. Across from Murdoc sat a large man in a grey sweatshirt. And rounding out the group was a woman dressed in black leather from head to toe.

Murdoc looked up at us and quickly said, “Let’s wrap up the last hand now, friends, and get on with our evenings.”

It looked like leather woman had already folded. The blond man glanced up at 2D and me standing in the doorway and muttered, “That the one?”

“Yes-yes-yes-yes - let’s see what you’ve got,” Murdoc said swiftly to the man in the sweatshirt. “Pair of tens - respectable, respectable.”

My jaw had dropped. Murdoc has done some low, dirty things before, but if he thought he was making me part of his pot, there was going to be a pair here all right - a pair of men on their way to the hospital.

The blonde man smirked and laid down his hand. “Three queens. Here I didn’t think I was getting a date tonight.”

I took a step toward the table and Murdoc’s eyebrows rose in alarm. “Let’s not be hasty here - I still have to show, don’t I?”

He took his time, relishing spreading out three fours. “Not quite the royalty you’re so proud of over there,” he said, as the blond man looked in our direction again and licked his lips. “But-” he said with a flourish, “luckily they have a body guard.” He tossed two jacks down on top of the fours.

“Fuck!”

“Well,” cackled Murdoc, “hope your own hand is better than that one because it’s all you’re getting tonight!”

Leather woman pushed past without looking at us. Sweatshirt nodded and exited the bus. The blond man took his time, pushing back his chair and standing languidly, glaring at Murdoc. He sidled past us slowly.

“Murdoc, you disgusting, vile, reprehensible toad!” I yelled. “You think you can just bet me like I’m some- some-”

“Oh, get off it. Don’t be so full of yourself.” He started sorting bills into piles. “I didn’t bet you.”

2D looked up brightly. "Seems a nice fellow. Look: he gave me his phone number.”

Our last day in Toledo we relaxed, read, practiced, and wandered. Murdoc was ready to depart in the early afternoon, right after lunch. I made sure he had a map - even though in this particular case his theory of just keeping a lake on the left actually would work. Russ was asleep in his bunk, I was listening to music, and 2D was writing something. I thought he was writing music at first, but it looked more like prose than poetry. I guessed it must be a letter to Lily and my heart broke for him all over again.

We arrived in Cleveland and took a look at what adventures might await us. It’s a very pretty city and possesses an abundance of attractions.

What it lacked was Russ.

I had a list of possible sites to check out, and I tapped on the cabinet next to his bunk. “Russ, what sounds better: a witchcraft museum or the history of contraception?”

No answer. “Or you can check them out yourself. Russ? Russel?”

I peeped behind the curtain of his bunk.

He wasn’t there.

I actually yanked back the curtain, as if I thought he might be hiding in the corner. Nope. No Russ.

“Um. Murdoc? 2D? Did either of you see Russ before we left Toledo?”

“I thought he was sleeping,” replied 2D, who was sitting on his own bunk.

“Did you see him?”

“Well-” he said, thinking, “only I wasn't going to go peeking. What if he was doing something private? Like eating a potato?”

I briefly pondered why 2D would consider eating a potato a private experience, then shook my head and went to the front, where Murdoc was reclined in the driver’s seat, texting. “When was the last time you saw Russ?”

He looked up, annoyed. “Clearly you can see I am engaged in a conversation.”

“Yes. What I’m not seeing is Russel.”

He glanced down at his phone. “It’s not my woman’s fault this time. I’ve got her right here. Wait a jif-” He tapped away for a minute, then affirmed, “No, she says she’s there in Queens and hasn’t summoned any drummers.”

“Shit.” I pulled out my phone and called Russ. He didn’t answer. “When was the last time any of us saw him?”

Both of them pondered for a while. “Well?”

“Don’t think I’ve seen him since before lunch, actually,” said 2D thoughtfully.

“Oh, for f-f-fuck’s sake. He’s probably still eating somewhere.”

I sighed. “Reverse course, Captain.”

As we crossed the Maumee River my phone rang.

“I don’t recall the parking lot being empty when I left.”

“We thought you were sleeping!”

“Did anyone actually check?”

“Well, no.” I admitted. “Apparently 2D was afraid you might be eating a potato.”

Silence. Then, “I am going to assume that’s a figure of speech. Tell the Captain there’s a man overboard.”

“We’ll be there in a minute, Russ.”

**October 21**

_ Cleveland, Ohio _

Home of the world famous Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame.

But they don’t have a wing dedicated to just us, so Murdoc said, “Fuck ‘em.”

We went to see Cleveland’s Oldest Street Lamp, the house from “A Christmas Story,” and the Former Smallest Book in the World. It isn’t any longer, but I can attest it’s still quite small. We saw a giant paddle ball - no word on whether it was the largest, or former largest. We saw the grave of the only baseball player ever killed by a baseball. We went to see a Weeping Angel in a cemetery and that put 2D on edge for the rest of the day. We saw the World’s Largest Rubber Stamp and the World’s Largest Outdoor Chandelier. This is a great city for largest and smallest things, and it made me glad we had an extra day. Russ had a request we honored without question: The Cleveland Museum of Natural History. For whatever reason, it contains the stuffed body of Balto, the hero dog of the Nome diphtheria epidemic. An example of taxidermy that impressive was something he would not miss. Being riddled with guilt over leaving him behind in Toledo, we were prepared to do anything he asked.

I had a chocolate craving so we tried out a place in Lakewood that does everything by hand. The owner is an incredibly creative woman. For Halloween her cases were crammed with chocolate coffins and skeletons, and candied apples. Murdoc bought some delectables for Kimberly. Russ and 2D had well-deserved tummy aches but regretted nothing.

I got back on the bus last to find the couch covered completely in socks.

Murdoc socks.

Filthy, stinking Murdoc socks.

I used a pair of my own socks as gloves, and stuffed every last one of his socks into his pillow case.

Then I walked several blocks to the nearest grocery to buy some fabric spray.

**October 23**

_ Erie, Pennsylvania _

We had only one day off here, unlike many of our venues.

And that one day was claimed by 2D, who utterly swore that if we did not take him to an attraction nearly two hours away, he would absolutely not go on stage. No threats would frighten him, no cream eggs tempt him. He was going if he had to steal the tour bus out from underneath us.

The Night of the Living Dead Cemetery and Museum.

We had to race to make it there, have some time, and make it back. I wasn’t much interested in the museum, so I took some time to practice and relax a bit. And do some rummaging I probably shouldn’t have but desperate times call for desperate measures.

It was worth it to see Murdoc’s face.

I left a pair of 2D’s underpants on the back of the sofa.

**October 25**

_ Buffalo, New York _

The arena in Buffalo is right by the waterfront, and it’s beautiful. A park stretches along the lake for miles. There’s a reconstruction of a canal with a bridge over it. Russ said they sang a song about the canal when he was in elementary school - something about a mule. That didn’t seem to make much sense.

“Told you how pretty it was. I came here with Kimberly in August,” 2D said. “I brought you all that beer, Murdoc.”

Murdoc licked his lips. “Yes-s-s-s you did. That’s worth looking into.”

There are several restaurants that brew their own beer, so we hit one up. All the beers have silly names. Murdoc tried five or six, and we took him straight back to the tour bus sheer minutes before he crashed.

2D and I went out to enjoy the lights, and came back when it got chilly.

Russ decided our side trip in the morning. “Town called Eden.”

“Sounds promising,” said 2D. “What’s the draw?”

“Only kazoo factory in the country. You can make your own.”

We raised dust pulling out of the arena parking lot.

It was a nice drive through rolling countryside. We stopped and bought apple cider at a farm stand.

The kazoo museum was small. We learned the history of the kazoo, saw silver and gold kazoos, wooden kazoos. And of course we each made our own. Murdoc left the gift shop with yet another little bag and nearly growled at me when I asked what it was. It joined the others in his cupboard of mysteries.

Five minutes down the road back to Buffalo we realized we had made a terrible mistake.

He started with our songs. “Tranz” and “Aries” never sounded so- interesting. Moved on to the Human League and The Cure. When he tired of those he switched to nursery rhymes and commercial jingles.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot at the arena, Russ and Murdoc held him down while I pried the kazoo out of his hand.

“It’s for your own good, 2D!”

“And our own good.”

“No! I made it! It’s mine!”

“Bet you’re wishing I had my hypodermic now,” said Murdoc.

**October 27**

_ Rochester, New York _

We got into Rochester bright and early, as it was only an hour or so from Buffalo. After lunch 2D told us he was going to take a walk down by the river. There were several pretty parks.

“We’re on at three, remember.”

He waved and headed out, staring at his phone.

“Where’s the prat?” Murdoc asked later. “Wasn’t he with you?”

“He went for a walk. I told him we go on at three.”

At two thirty I called him. No answer. Had he left his phone on the bus? No - he was looking at it as he walked away earlier. I ran out and checked to see if he was back and had fallen asleep. Potato or no potato, I pulled back the curtains on his bunk. Nope.

I called Russ from the trailer. “He’s not here. I have no idea where he is. He was just going for a walk!”

“I checked all the bathrooms and snack bars,” said Russ. “Murdoc’s doing all the set-up. He won’t let us forget that.”

“We have to think about this logically,” I said, my mind totally empty of ideas.

“Why?” Fair enough question.

“You guys are going to have to stall. Let other acts go on before us. He must have seen something that caught his attention.”

“For three hours? Must have been shiny.”

I headed toward the river first hoping he might be on a park bench, zoning out. 

I walked along the waterfront, asked passing men to check the toilets - nothing.

Logically? I looked for ice cream stands, but didn’t see any. There was a pretzel stand, but they hadn’t seen anyone who looked like him.

He was looking at his phone when he walked away. He was in a strange city. Maybe he was looking at a map.

I pulled my app up and peered at it. I should have had that boy chipped a long time ago. Coffee shops. Government offices. County jail.

Was he on the other side of the river?

I headed toward the bridge, still looking at my phone. On the other side was-

The Strong Museum of Play.

He actually found a toy museum.

I ran. There’s a butterfly garden, and a huge carousel in the welcome area. I checked to see if he was on it.

I rushed over to the ticket counter and called out, “I’m sorry - I’ve lost someone. Have you seen a ridiculously tall thin man with blue hair?”

The girl at the register closest to me said, “Well- I just got on-” but a young man further down called, “Yeah. He came in toward the start of my shift. So three and a half hours ago.”

“I need him! He’s supposed to be on stage over at the arena right now! Can I go look for him? Or security? Or you? Or anyone?”

The young man who had spoken up said, “I’ll help you.” He grabbed a map of the museum off the counter. “Do you have any idea what he’d be most interested in?”

Comic book heroes. Sesame Street. Toy Hall of Fame - he’d be interested in any of these. Adventures in Reading - nope.

e-Game Revolution.

Arcade games. I rushed upstairs.

“2D! I’ve been looking all over for you! We’re supposed to be on right now.”

“Noodle, I’ve only been here like 20 minutes.”

I held up my phone. “It’s three-thirty.”

“Oh.”

“Come on. Russ and Murdoc are trying to stall and let other acts go on before us.” I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. “I was worried about you.”

He pulled his phone out. “You should have called- Oh. You did.” He looked down at me. “I’m really sorry, Noodle. I was looking at the map for a place to get ice cream and I saw this.”

“I’ll bring you here tomorrow, and we can stay all day. And I’ll buy you ice cream. I promise. Right now-”

“I know.” He sighed. “I was almost out of quarters anyway.”

**October 30**

_ NYC, New York _

Last day: one final set-up, one final performance. It would have to hold me over for a long time. I hoped.

We came out after Calligraph left the stage and started moving stuff around. I shifted the mic to where I wanted it, then looked out at the crowd to see if I could spot our friends. I waved to Kimberly when I saw them. Murdoc helped move the keyboard. 2D dropped his music. He shuffled it back into his folder and set it aside; he didn’t really need any of it so it didn’t matter whether it was in order. 

I put it out of my head for the next fifteen minutes as we finished setting up and Murdoc headed into the very familiar bass line. The performances breezed by.

Heading off the stage Murdoc held his arm out and I grabbed his bass, startled. I saw Kimberly a split-second later. They headed behind the stage in a rush, him shoving people out his way. I wondered for a moment whether they were going to have sex then and there, but she managed to drag herself away to say hello to us and remind us of her party. Then he grabbed her hand and they were gone. I hoped they made it all the way home.

I was left holding my guitar and his bass. Russ helped me get packed up. I grabbed my things from the tour bus. Kimberly's daughter Maris and her girlfriend were keeping me overnight, since staying with Kimberly and Murdoc was- unadvisable. Dana took my bag, Maris grabbed my guitar, and I kept the bass at all times. He wouldn’t have trusted me with it had anything less than sex with his woman been at stake. Russ and 2D headed out with Frankie and Aniyah, who offered to drive them home. I kissed them both goodbye.

We picked up dinner from an Ethiopian restaurant. Maris and Dana have a small apartment in Williamsburg. Maris graduated from Columbia last year; she and Dana met there. Their place was cute - quaint might be the right word.

“Make yourself comfortable. You’re welcome to everything except Dana’s panties. That’s my territory. No trespassing.” She set out plates and handed me a ginger ale. “We’re not as posh here as my mother’s house. You might ask yourself whether or not that’s deliberate.”

“It is,” Dana said, sitting down on their couch and putting her food on the table. “But we can drop that, Maris.”

I settled down in a comfy chair. “Thank you for taking me in. Your mother's house seemed risky.”

Maris opened her mouth but before she could speak, Dana repeated, “But we can drop that, Maris.”

“Goddamn it, Dana. You’re doing that before I even finish gathering the thought.”

“I know where you’re gathering it from. Noodle, tell me about Edinburgh?”

Smoothly diverted, conversation lasted late into the night.

**October 31**

Saturday morning I awoke to a delicious smell. I followed my nose to find Dana making Belgian waffles. She had strawberries already sliced, and a big bowl of whipped cream.

“It’s like breakfast and dessert at the same time,” Maris said. “Very efficient.”

“What time is your mother’s party?” I asked, taking a plate from Dana.

“I have no idea. She probably should have told us.”

“It’s at three,” Dana said.

We sat in the living room, which seems to be where they eat their meals - or maybe it was just because I was there and there was more room.

“Okay,” Maris said briskly, “are you and 2D getting back together ? Did you get any during the tour? Mother said he broke up with that farmer girl - the one he threw you over for.”

Dana kicked her, but Maris continued to look at me expectantly.

“It wasn’t that. That’s not why we split up. But she was there after I left, and they just sort of- started something. She works the petting zoo.”

“Yeah, I remember Mother babbling about that. She thinks he’s the bee’s pajamas. She’d trade me in for him in a heartbeat. What’s this girl look like?”

“Very pretty. Long blond hair. Strong and- stacked, I guess you'd say.”

"Maris would, anyway. Just her type." remarked Dana.

“Luckily for you,” Maris retorted. “Do you like her?”

Dana broke in, “Noodle, you don’t have to answer her questions without a lawyer present. Or at all, in fact.”

“I do. I liked her from the moment I met her.”

Maris stood and took her plate out to the kitchen, returning to sit on the floor in front of Dana, leaning back on her legs. “So tell me this - what’s the attraction?”

“To 2D?” I wasn’t sure how to answer.

“To him. To any man. What’s the allure? Thing’s no good when it’s flopping around. Anything it can accomplish once it’s hard can be taken care of through artificial means. And sometimes those vibrate. Ever met a dick that did that?”

I scraped the last of the whipped cream off my plate. “I can honestly say I never have.”

“I really can’t see a damn thing that a man can do in bed that I can’t. Plus I get those boobs as a bonus. I can tell you want to look at Dana’s boobs now. Don’t do it.”

“You can look if you want to,” Dana assured me. “She actually likes it.”

“Well,” I said, “if you really want to compare, there’s nothing you can do to each other that he couldn't do to me.”

“Have to depend on them being ready. Have to wait til their batteries recharge before you can do it again. Batteries on mine hold a charge for eight hours, I think. Dana?”

“Something like that.”

"Plus when it's over for the mister, it's over for the sister, right?"

"A good mister makes sure the sister gets her share."

Maris shook her head. "Inefficient."

I helped clean up after breakfast and we sat and chatted, and ate a light lunch. Then Dana and Maris took me on a little tour of their neighborhood. It’s a nifty area, with some older buildings - always makes me smile at what Americans think is “old.” We wandered about until it was time to head to Kimberly’s for our welcome home.

Kimberly and Murdoc’s house is built for parties. She had a few big ones when I lived with her over the summer. Her dining room is more like a ball room, and there is a fancy sitting room attached. Neither are used for anything but entertaining. She had taken advantage of the holiday, and the house was alight with candles in glass pumpkins and holders that looked like scary old houses. Orange and black streamers spiraled from one side of the ball room to the other, and cobwebs hung from the chandelier. 

We were first to arrive. Kimberly flew over to hug and kiss us, then dashed off again, helping Murdoc arrange a table laden with cider, beer, wine, and sodas. Urdek was supervising the caterers as they spread out warming dishes filled with meatballs, pastas, salmon, rice, and green beans with slivered almonds. Plates of cookies and pumpkin-shaped bowls of candy covered a third table, surrounding a large cake with “Welcome Home!” scripted across in yellow icing. How much food did she think we could consume?

The doorbell rang, and Frankie and Aniyah arrived. Bab followed shortly after, and then Shae with her little ones: Maya, Devon, and baby Maurice. They wore costumes for the party: Maya was a reptile sort of thing, and Devon was a princess with a magic wand. Maurice looked like a snuggly bumble-bee. Kimberly swooped down and nabbed the baby out of Shae’s arms, then held him against her shoulder and showed him all of the tables, candy, lights, and pumpkins.

The bell rang again and here were Russ and 2D. Kimberly handed the baby off to Murdoc and rushed to greet them. Murdoc stood holding Maurice out at arms length, glaring at him from under his thick eyebrows. Maurice chewed on his fist and gazed back until Frankie noticed his nephew’s precarious state and hastened to rescue him.

Now that all four of us were here, Kimberly had us cut the cake and Urdek took pictures. I was contemplating where to start on the food when I heard a sonic boom from the backyard - a sound I knew well.

I headed into the living room to see Marmaduke, Archibald, Cecil, Clemencia, Basilia, Esau, Ozias, Pendragon, Argentia, Montmorency, and Eudora come running to the patio. Kimberly slid the doors open and they surged over 2D like a wave. Urdek bustled over to greet Dra’Zith, Mernak, Druvoxin, Algromek, Tra’gouroth, Bol-gammon, Gathiod, and Ral-veth. 

Urdek and Kimberly introduced all of the human guests to the demonic ones. There was some trepidation on both sides, I think, until Murdoc began handing out wine and beer. 

Druvoxin wanted to hold the baby. After a moment’s hesitation, Shae handed her son over to the demon, who gazed at his face and said he was the most precious little human creature she had ever seen. “Do you always dress them like insects?” she inquired, and Shae explained it was his Halloween costume. “How sweet!” Druvoxin said. “Every year Basilia dresses as a human. You’d think she’d get tired of wearing the same sari, hoodie, and ballet shoes over and over.”

Throughout all of this, 2D relaxed on a chair with his implings gathered around him. Marmaduke sat on his lap and cried in happiness, Argentia and Basilia hung off of him. They clamored to tell him every little thing he had missed while he was gone.

Clemencia spotted me. “Why, there’s Ms. Noodle!” She, Argentia, and Basilia trotted over to greet me. Clemencia gazed lovingly into my face. “Your eyeballs-” 

"You can’t have them, Clemencia. Go get a snack now." She headed off toward the cookies, whispering in Argentia's small pointed ear.

Kimberly brushed by to refill her wine glass. “Now our family is complete.”

“Look how happy they are to see him! This was so thoughtful of you.”

“They can pop up as easily here as anywhere else. Just made sense.” She watched the implings for a few seconds, then said, "Oh! I wanted to show you-" She walked into the living room. "Look at these!"

She giggled and held up a stuffed strawberry with a smiling face. The collection also contained a pineapple, orange, apple, and pear. This last also had a red heart embroidered on it.

That explained the little gift shop bags.

"He got these for me on your trip! Aren't they the cutest?"

Murdoc walked into the living room with a wine bottle in his hand. He looked at us and heaved a heavy sigh. "Goddammit, woman." He shook his head and left the room.

Now the eating began in earnest. Humans and demons sat together in groups of three or four, chatting happily. Implings filled plates, ate about half of their food, and wandered off. Bab cut small pieces of cake for the wee devils, and they got around her prudence by sneaking back and innocently asking for a first piece. As she couldn’t keep them straight she was taken in repeatedly.

2D was absolutely in his element. The implings would occasionally put down whatever they were eating, and rush over to fling themselves at him. The parents were all just as happy to have him back.

The implings decided to go outside and play, and after hanging back a bit at first, Devon and Maya grabbed their coats and joined in a game of tag. After Cecil came in and asked, 2D put his jacket back on and went out to play with them.

I sat on a chair by the fireplace and watched them through the glass doors. It fell on me like a hammer blow to the heart that I had completely missed how much this meant to 2D, and how perfect he was for it. Caring for them came so easily to him; he had a childlike nature that placed him right where he needed to be to provide guidance and relate to them. And they adored him. The zoo had been his idea, but he needed his father to help build it, and Lily to run it - she had all the farm experience he lacked. But this - the daycare, these sweet implings - this was all him. Something he just knew.

And I was as guilty of resisting and resenting it as Lily was of his life as a musician and performer.

Murdoc came over and pressed a glass of wine into my hand, and pulled up another chair to sit next to me. “You deserve this and more for dealing with us.” He slurped some of his drink. “Must admit - that was a good time and I’m glad you shamelessly manipulated us into going along with it.”

I drank some wine. “Coming from a man for whom shameless manipulation is an art form, I relish the compliment.”

The kids played until they were worn out, then came back in to attack the dessert table again.

After a couple more hours, parents started gathering up sleepy children. Devon asked when Ozias and Esau could come play again. Interdimensional friendships had been forged this day. The humans filed out the front door and demons headed out the back.

Kimberly promised to visit as soon as she could, and gave me a long hug.

**November 1**

Sunday was Maris’s turn to make breakfast, and I was greeted by a carton of eggs next to a frying pan, and several packets of instant oatmeal.

“I made coffee,” she pointed out. “Look, Dana usually cooks and I do the cleaning. Have any complaints about the toilet and floors? I thought not.”

I fried an egg for myself, then packed up. I thanked Maris. Dana swung by Russel's to pick up 2D. He and I flew back to London together, and he waited with me for my flight to Edinburgh. I bought him ice cream one last time.

“Thank you for doing this, 2D.”

“Not like I need to rush home.”

“I meant coming with us. I know - it cost you. I’m so sorry it did.”

“Yeah.” He stared down at the floor.

I checked the sign to make sure my flight was still on time. I only had a few minutes. I glanced around the main concourse. I stood up and shouldered my bag, and hugged him goodbye. Then I grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around, so he could see her waiting for him.

******************

For too many years, home was where I was sent, where I washed up, where my bandmates needed me to be.

And home is relative, after all. But this - this city - this apartment - I had chosen for myself.

It was mine alone, and I was home.


End file.
